@byrdie_num_num: Instead of "Juicy" I have "May contain gas" written on the back of my shorts.
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@drewjanda: Imagine a spider. Scary, right? Wrong. This spider is imaginary. Really makes you think
@murrman5: [to the secretary before I go in for job interview] "when the music starts, hit this button and that will activate the fog machine"
@pleatedjeans: Wife: I made you an appt. with the eye doctor Me: [spreading cream cheese onto Destiny's Child CD] MY EYES ARE FINE