@ericONEderful: Instead of neutering my dog I just make him wear crocs.
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@realHamOnWry: According to the most current magazine in this doctor's office, every home in America will have a television by 1962.
@rose24_em: He whispered in my ear that he liked being called daddy. I whispered back that I liked being called a cab.
@eggnook: Wife: What are you gonna do today? Me: Shower. W: ...what else? M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.
@ShortWhiteNUgly: I make my children listen to people like Pink Floyd and Bob Marley so they learn the difference between Chris Brown and music.