@ericONEderful: Instead of neutering my dog I just make him wear crocs.
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@Robert_Beau: At Dairy Queen: Me: Medium Heath Blizzard please. DQ: You wanna spoon? Me: Sure, when do you get off?
@bea_ker: Newsreader: Police are asking anyone with any information- Me: [shouting at TV] You lose 90% of your heat from your head
@TheMichaelRock: Me: We didn't even have cell phones or the internet when I was your age. 6yo: Did you have bikes? Me....nope, we rode horses. 6yo: WOOOOW
@DanMentos: ok guys the gofundme I set up to hire a hitman to kill me is already at 3x its goal you can stop contributing