@LisaMcAlister1: Instead of saying, "YOLO", try saying, "Carpe Diem". You won't sound like a douche andddd, you won't sound like a douche.
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@vapidaccount: ProTip: Make sure heated seats are off before putting your purse on them...lipstick melts.
@thetits: COP: do you know why I pulled you over? ME: *hands him a puppy and drives off* [3 years later] COP *walking his dog*: wait a second…
@LostInMyWorld97: Dog tried taking me for a run. I wasn't having it. I made her drag me the whole time.