@LisaMcAlister1: Instead of saying, "YOLO", try saying, "Carpe Diem". You won't sound like a douche andddd, you won't sound like a douche.
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@aguywithnolife: searching for people who think cologne is spelled colon is my favorite thing to do
@XplodingUnicorn: [loud crashes] Me: What was that? 4-year-old: Nothing. Me: 4: Me: OK. Parenting is easier than it looks.
@just1fool: You're supposed to throw rice at new babies and their mothers, right? Traditions are weird.