@Eric_Bader: Insulting me gets you nowhere. Plus, it makes you look fat.
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@david8hughes: [meeting at round table] "King Arthur, if I may?" "Go ahead." "Castles but bouncier." "Bouncy castles?" "But you gotta take your shoes off."
@ruinedpicnic: Neil Armstrong: now where did I park my car? [presses key button] [tiny orange light flashes on the moon] god dammit
@Jmboyd58: *wife runs back into our house which is on fire* What are you doing!? W: I just want to straighten up a little before the firemen get here