@Eric_Bader: Insulting me gets you nowhere. Plus, it makes you look fat.
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@DrDogMD: DR DOG: have you been taking your diabetes meds daily? PATIENT: no DR DOG: *hits him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper* Bad patient!
@Tmoney68: If you didn't get called to a meeting with your 5-yr-old son's principal because he was inviting girls to his "naked party," you aren't me.
@murrman5: [interview after finishing last in the olympics] do you regret saying "I could win this race wearing flip flops" [pulls mic close] yes
@ChipKellysBalls: Find a penny Pick it up & all the day You'll have significantly raised chances of contracting a bacterial infection ...