@RexHuppke: Interestingly, if we invade North Korea because it caused us to miss a movie, that still won't be the worst reason we ever went to war.
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@nachosarah: when I have dinner with a vegetarian I order two steaks to use as a bun for my third steak
@slyoung5: Good news: He told me I was his penguin. Bad news: Penguins only have sex once a year.
@DrDogMD: DR DOG: It says you're here for a blood test. First, some questions. Number one: over the last six months who's been a good boy?
@djderk: Suicide terrorists: jokes on you! Virgins totally suck. Have fun jerking off while she cries.