@jwoodham: Internet dating? No thanks. I like the internet, but I don't like like the internet.
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@AndyAsAdjective: HER: need I remind you that it’s your tur- ME: [sipping wine from a large Pyrex measuring cup] it’s my turn to do the dishes, yes
@hilaryfairie: I saw a billboard that said, "Be her Romeo" and featured a pic of a diamond ring. Apparently they have not read Shakespeare.