@briangaar: *interrupts parent & child on bus* Actually thats not true, Wolverine has died many times *they get up* Your mother cant shelter you forever
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@ClichedOut: ME: can I buy u a drink HER: I'll take a rain check ME: mmm that sounds good [to bartender] 2 rain checks, please
@Ygrene: yeah sex is cool but have you ever seen the jerk who went speeding past you pulled over by a cop like one mile down the road
@JeremyBRoberts: I think the 2016 Cubs would beat the 1908 Cubs. First, the 1908 Cubs are all dead. Second, the 2016 Cubs are all alive.
@mrjohndarby: [zombies banging on the door] her: they're here me: god, I thought you said 8 oclock I haven't even got the wine chilled