@JohnnyCrash5: [Interrupts the wedding vows] it's open bar right?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@EndhooS: 11 y/o Daughter: [opens xmas present] uh..cable ties? Wife: she asked for a pony.. Me: a pony? ..SHE CAN'T EVEN LOOK AFTER HER CABLES LINDA
@koalaslament: if I was ever in prison I'd quickly assert dominance by giving everyone a fabulous makeover
@CulturedRuffian: Her: I like long walks on the beach. Me: Is there WiFi? Her: Where? Me: The beach. Her: What?...No. Me: We should see other people.
@behindyourback: Birds do it/Bees do it/Even educated fleas do it/Let's do it/Let's make people super nervous anytime we're in their personal space