@JohnnyCrash5: [Interrupts the wedding vows] it's open bar right?
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@thebeckyard: Welcome to your 40s! Your body will do new and exciting things such as sneeze-pee, yawn-burp, and light speed chin hair growth.
@DanMentos: Fun Prank: put a live turtle and a tiny pair of nunchucks in your toilet before your guests arrive
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can you hold my rubber ducky? Me: *takes the ducky* Why? 4: I dropped it in the toilet.
@MelvinofYork: There is a woman on this plane going on vacation with a cat in a carrier. Because cats love surprises, travel, and unfamiliar surroundings.