@ThaPrinceTaylor: iPhone 6 for $900 or a ski mask for $1.99.. Your choice
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@WhatevaConc: The word résumé has fireworks coming out of it to help with the pronunciation yet we're left to fend for ourselves with colonel?
@jwoodham: "You have a date? With who?" [Sees a fishing boat] "Uh, her name is Net..." [Sees someone with a booger] "Flicks! Net Flicks! Wait. Dammit."
@ParentNormal: VOICEMAIL: I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, my toddler typed the wrong password 200 times so I can't try again until next year