@cheeky__gal: Irish step dancing was discovered by women waiting in line to use the restroom.
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@hazelmotes1: Son, I grew up in a golden age when the bookstore didn't have an entire section labeled "Teen Paranormal Romance."
@DaddyJew: Me: just cuz my resume is on a napkin doesn't mean it's not good Employer: there's a chicken nugget stuck to it Me: oh is there? *winks*
@T_N_Crumpets: Judge: how do you plead? Me: [looks at lawyer] Lawyer: [mouths "not guilty"] Me: hot milky L: *bangs head on desk* FFS just lock him up
@Darlainky: Dear Santa, Please send gift cards. Your taste has gotten significantly worse in recent years.