@Heather2Go: Ironman is my favorite story about how sleep deprivation can make you a sarcastic, neurotic superhero without being a parent.
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@Jenny4ashley: Am I relying on you to cover up all these blood stains after murdering my ex? BLEACH I MIGHT BE
@SharpeBytes: It's so cute how you think wearing that cross around your neck exempts you from being a reasonable human being
@WilliamAder: If you get a gift from me, there may or may not be a pair of scissors between the wrapping and the gift. I'm gonna need those back.
@funnweaver: My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it’s there to stab potential taco thieves.