@SexyInsomniac: Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
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@Iwriteforcats: [Google Search History] 1. Do raccoons like to cuddle? 2. What does rabies smell like? 3. I can't feel my face.
@tryped: Me: I am sad, we don't have any cookie crumble for my ice cream. Wife: lots of things make me sad, like being married to a giant man baby
@AdamTheLobster: Cop: your under arrest Me: you're* under arrest 2nd Cop: [handcuffing 1st cop] sorry Ed, but he's right