@SexyInsomniac: Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
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@timdonakowski: Starting a new job today. I’m not sure what company, but it’s wherever this lady with the giant box of donuts is going.
@TheMichaelRock: Clark Kent: *sits glasses on counter* Lois Lane: Who are you and where did the new countertop come from?
@vapidaccount: ProTip: Make sure heated seats are off before putting your purse on them...lipstick melts.