@jenstatsky: Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps or does it just feel like he's at work
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@TheBoydP: Conspiracy theory: If they really want to catch Big Foot, why don’t they look at the factory where Christmas stockings are made?
@aaronnemo: Me: You're the only one who truly gets me. Chipotle guy: What? Me: I said chicken. Chicken burrito.
@DougStanhope: I'm watching a guy on tv who makes a living simply by having opinions about hockey wondering which one of us is the bigger pile of shit.
@Ideal_Victoria: A second date is probably not likely if your date pulls out and clutches a crucifix when you enter the room.