@CMHorrocks: Is cyanide the most efficient way to kill someone? Asking for a fiend.
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@Try2StopME: Interviewer: "So why should we hire you?" Me: "Cause I need a job very badly." Interviewer: "So?" Me: "And you have a vacancy. BINGO"
@hippieswordfish: spot whats sandpaper like? dog: ruff whats the long grass on a golf course called? d: ruff whats the job market like? d: steadily improving
@murrman5: [at divorce lawyer] bad news, currently all your husbands assets are frozen "he didn't" he bought 1547 copies of it, he must really hate you
@NervousJr: "Ugh, you're so obsessed with me." Boss: "I just asked why you're twenty minutes late?"