@BlairLoudly: Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat's just being dramatic.
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@BonaFideIntent: ....and that's how I ended up laying on the bedroom floor with a potato stuck in my ass.
@kirthyiyer: The location of a pimple on your body is directly correlated to how much your body hates you.
@DanMentos: [first date] *pointing indiscriminately* "uh-oh looks like we're on the Kiss Cam" there's no- *leans in* there's no Kiss Cam at Applebees