@BlairLoudly: Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat's just being dramatic.
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@AndyAsAdjective: [checks Facebook & sees my 4th grade girlfriend has liked my hot chocolate recipe share] ME: I knew she'd come crawling back to me one day
@internetluke: [ordering pizza alone] Yeah I'd like a large pepperoni and *changes voice* A medium sausage *changes voice again* Another large pepperoni
@pixelatedboat: COMMENCE ANNIHILATI... Sorry, wrong notes, that's tomorrow's speech. Here's the right one: You have nothing to fear from Project Omega ...