@1evilidiot: Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.
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@PeaceInTruth1: *calls lost & found* Me: Have you seen my patience? L&F: Hold on a second. Me: *click*
@StashTheTash: Real person: Do you have Twitter? I'll follow you! Me: Nope, sorry. Don't have a phone or a computer. Or a microwave. Hard times and all..
@Writepop: In the new Star Wars film, Han Solo goes to Chewbacca's home planet and discovers that all the other Wookies wear pants.
@stevevsninjas: Me: Can you check my balance on this gift card? Cashier: ok Me: [ steps on card, lifts other foot without wavering ] Pretty good, right?