@WheelTod: Is Lent nearly over? I don't know how much longer I can hold my breath.
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@PaperWash: [3 dads circling new neighbor on their bikes] "im not looking for any trouble" all three dads in unison: HI NOT LOOKING FOR TROUBLE IM DAD
@GrantTanaka: exactly 14 yrs ago today, I pointed at a beautiful woman & said "that's the girl I'm gonna marry one day" but it turned out to be a lamppost
@summerofbenny: Did a little math tonight. Need to do 3,527 hours of cardio to get down to my ideal weight by summer, and not consume any calories.
@toastymoe: Some people should be forced to carry a plant around with them, to replace the oxygen they waste.