@WheelTod: Is Lent nearly over? I don't know how much longer I can hold my breath.
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@david8hughes: [1st day as lifeguard] Guy: there's someone drowning in the water Me [not looking up from phone]: well it'd be hard to drown in the sand
@underchilde: I’m just going to keep telling people they’re pretty until someone offers to pay for my laser eye surgery.
@TrueTorontoGirl: Boss: Have I made myself clear? Me: No, I can still see you. Boss: Shakes head.