@WheelTod: Is Lent nearly over? I don't know how much longer I can hold my breath.
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@juliussharpe: Dating is good practice for parenting because you learn not to care when someone is crying in a restaurant.
@DonKinderknecht: I put my baby on the baby changing station in the bathroom and when I was done, it was the same baby. :-(
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Go to bed 5-year-old: One more question Me: Fine 5: Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter? Me 5: Me: Get some coffee
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Sorry I got drunk and ate all the bacon. Wife: You ate Beggin' Strips. *me to the dog* Sorry I got drunk and ate all of your bacon.