@GrowlyGrego: Is there a Twitter acronym for "Ur screenshot tweet is really funny, but my anxiety about ur phone battery % prevents me from enjoying it"?
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@sip_at_home_mom: Finally cleaned out the fridge to make meal planning easier. Tonight, we're having buttered olives with mustard and baking soda.
@Matt_The_1st: Me: yes, I'll take the free burger Cashier: sir, you have to buy one to get one Me: I only want one though, the free one
@INDlAN_: Cop: Lemme see your papers Me: Okay Cop: These are rolling papers Me: Would you look at that Cop: Sir are you high? Me: What are you, a cop?
@lilgapeach30: Men. Can't live with 'em...can't finish this joke unless I wanna be single the rest of my life.