@RobDenBleyker: Is there an app that makes the flatline noise? Bet I could freak out some nurses.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LackOfShame: Nothing's sadder than the look on my dog's face when I reach under the kitchen table to pet her and she realizes my hand is empty.
@MrMildSauce: Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you've done with the place.
@jaymahonei: my dad always makes fun of me for taking selfies all the time but if he didn't want such a beautiful child he should've kept it in his pants
@iwearaonesie: wife on facebook: homework with 9, he's doing so well! wife to me: it took him 8 tries to spell cake. CAKE. grab some wine on your way home