@Tmoney68: Isaac Newton was the pride of the family until his great great grandson Fig was born.
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@Bratterina: *makes eye contact *slowly pulls a banana out my bag *and another one *and another one *and another one *and another one *breaks eye contact *looks in my bag if there's any more banana's. *makes eye contact again *slowly pulls out another banana
@Mr_Kapowski: I want to know the backstory of when an eyelash turns evil and says "That's it. I'm done protecting the eye. I'm going in to destroy it now"
@iwearaonesie: toddler [getting ready to jump off the bed] wife: Do something me *takes phone out to record it* wife: Do something else
@MikeDrucker: TWITTER USERS: It would be nice if you stopped people making death threats. TWITTER: OK, but what if those death threats could be LONGER?