@clarkekant: ISIS, meet ebola. Ebola, meet ISIS. Problem solved.
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@OkieGirl405: Guns don't kill people People that have 5 kids, 1 cat, 2 ex-mother-in-laws & work 50 hours a week without wine in their life, kill people
@GrantTanaka: [son sees me sleeping outside] son: did you call mom the n word again me: but she IS a nagger
@VodkaTiem: I don't know who put chairs in the elevator, but that's a kind of laziness that I can respect.
@Jenny4ashley: [speed dating] Me: Have you ever choked someone? "No I would never do something like that" Me: Next