@clarkekant: ISIS, meet ebola. Ebola, meet ISIS. Problem solved.
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@GashleyMadison: It's like my nana always said, "If you choose your friends wisely, you'll never have good drugs."
@DirtMcTurd: I swear if I see one more person enter this WalMart wearing pajamas I am going to take the belt off my bathrobe and choke them with it
@TheToddWilliams: COP: Your home was robbed ME: Dang I had a self-designed alarm system C: Didn't work M: Back to the drawing board C: They stole that M: Dang
@Fred_Delicious: [becomes allergic to the floor midway through a date & slowly floats out of a window]