@pakalupapito: isnt it odd how people kill flys just because they’re annoying if people killed people for being annoying i would’ve died like 15 years ago
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@LauraBenanti: I wore a leather jacket into a vegan restaurant and now I'm hiding in the bathroom.
@tdwyer618: "Dad, why did Jesus have to die on the cross?" "He didn't do his 1st grade homework."
@robfee: Under Bush we had 3 Shrek movies. Under Obama we had 1. Can we really trust a president whose #1 goal was to bring down the Shrek franchise?
@WhiskeySoured: Never judge a book by its cover. Besides, you're on Twitter and don't even read books.