@pakalupapito: isnt it odd how people kill flys just because they’re annoying if people killed people for being annoying i would’ve died like 15 years ago
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@Home_Halfway: "Do you know how fast you were going?" 75 in a 55. I'm sorry officer. "Get out of the car." *Cop cuddles driver* "Stop doing this. I worry."
@matt_simpson84: My wife and I have an ongoing game called "Wipe Boogers on Stuff in the House" that she doesn't know we are playing
@mattZillaaaa: Always hide you prescription bottles from your medicine cabinet so ppl don't know how crazy you are. Also, you're now out of xanax.
@LazyJ044: Me: *Sweeping* Wife: Excuse me Me: *Slams broom on floor* YOU SHALL NOT PASS Wife: ... Me: That's from lord of Wife: MOVE! Me: *Moves*