@decentbirthday: Isn't it weird that Greenland is icy and Iceland is where my wife moved when she left me
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@StorybookBlonde: My cell phone fell in the pool...now I know what it feels like to have someone you love drown.
@professorxavi: To me, God will always be that guy that could've made Pokemon or Star Wars real but instead was all like, "Nah bruh, malaria and AIDS."
@longwall26: Oh, you want to fight? Ok, one second *takes off glasses, removes retainer, unpins towel cape, empties snacks from pockets, sets down kitten
@Piecezilla: Putting a bell around a cow's neck to circumvent its stealthiness is just wrong. I say let them hunt.