@decentbirthday: Isn't it weird that Greenland is icy and Iceland is where my wife moved when she left me
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@hotmessminushot: I don't quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don't even like 15 people altogether in my life.
@SenatorBigfoot: Alright, alright. You can all have jet packs! [two days later] Reporter: Another 8000 dead today due to sky rage.
@TheresNoGodzila: When I see a kid on a leash I assume they were a dog turned into a kid by a witch & the owners have yet to figure out how to turn them back.
@vineyille: "I saw mommy kissing santa claus" has the same number of syllables as "I saw someone die at Disney World." Life's funny like that.