@decentbirthday: Isn't it weird that Greenland is icy and Iceland is where my wife moved when she left me
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@Nahdude83: "Sir, how may I help you?" *swivels around in chair* -- A coffee please! "Did you bring that chair in here?" *reclines back* --- Maybe?
@TrainedHedonist: Sometimes I feel driving over Beliebers, but then I'm like, "what is wrong with me??" because I just got my car washed.
@mikefossey: (I get an amber alert for a missing child) OK its my time to shine (I get in my car and back out without looking and instantly hit the kid)