@decentbirthday: Isn't it weird that Greenland is icy and Iceland is where my wife moved when she left me
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@Ideal_Victoria: I’m still waiting for my date from last summer to come back from the restaurant’s bathroom… I hope everything is ok.
@mikefossey: republican: taxes are bad democrat: they're good [i ride by on a skateboard eating go-gurt] its yogurt in a tube, dipshits. ever heard of it
@jake_likes_naps: [at bar] Gee, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse *nearby horse slams down his whisky* COME ON THEN TOUGH GUY *horse throws the 1st punch*