@Zombie_Kit: Isn't Megan Fox a little old to be hanging out with the TEENAGE mutant ninja turtles?
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@TheSharona06: Sometimes I put my cat in the sunroom hoping the coyote who lives out back will charge at it and bounce off the glass.
@shutupmikeginn: Twitter should offer Shkreli his account back for $10,000 and if he agrees say sorry and suddenly raise the price 5600%
@RobocopLust: 911: 911. What's your emergency? Me: I'm bleeding profusely. 911: Sir, this line is reserved for joke formats. Me: ...
@albz: I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".