@usermcuserface: It concerns me as a parent that damn near every Disney movie shows kids if your parents die you'll become royalty and have a great life.
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@Thedudish: I don't know which is stranger: That the cat buried a mouse's body in the yard, or that the service was attended by dozens of mice in suits.
@AsgardianRose: North Korea banned the use of sarcasm towards the government; I wouldn't last an hour before they executed me.
@twylaredsun: Sending a second cup of coffee down to check on the first one to see why it's not doing its job.
@coketruck76: 13: Dad, do you believe in miracles? Me: Do you remember spray painting my car? 13: yeah M: Are you breathing? 13: yeah M: Well, there ya go