@KentTheG: It costs today's parents $235,000 to raise a child. And that's just for the alcohol.
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@sploosk: INTERVIEWER: says here you were fired previously? ME: yeah, I tried putting pizza in the copier INTERVIEWER: [excitedly] did… did it work?
@sixfootcandy: Librarian: Shhh! Me: Shh! Librarian: Shh! Me: Shh! Librarian: *glares at me* Me: Look lady, I can do this all day.
@noogscorner: Someone should tell North Korea that if you want to nuke someone, you probably shouldn't give them a progress report every week.
@MarfSalvador: [Desert island] Me: JANE! Jane: What? M: It's a boat! J: HEEEEEEEEELP! Me writing: Day 286, Jane is still scared of boats