@KentTheG: It costs today's parents $235,000 to raise a child. And that's just for the alcohol.
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@Mike_Bianchi: Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop.
@tsm560: Got an extension cord, and moved the microwave right into bed with me. This 2015 is looking like a good one already.