@Brianhopecomedy: It may have looked like I was doing crunches but I was just trying to get up.
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@joeldanger: My parents told me as a kid that R&B stood for ribbons and bows so when I heard Barry White in their bedroom I left them alone to do crafts.
@hollywoodsigh: I'm at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to shit faster because it's cold.
@Holbornlolz: Eastern Europe - 1989 "If we leave the Soviet Union, we might have to get visas to visit Siberia and turnips will be more expensive"