"It meant nothing to me, babe. I swear!" When my girl catches me in the closet eating Devil's food cake with my bare hands.

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@TheDailySchmuck: "It meant nothing to me, babe. I swear!"

When my girl catches me in the closet eating Devil's food cake with my bare hands.

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@BradNewsBears: Cashier: Hello Me: Is it me your looking for... I can see it in your eyes.. Cashier:... Me: Sorry, this is my first rap battle.

@Jake_Vig: Dear rock bands, If I am at your show, assume I am both ready and willing to rock. No need to ask.

230

@DustinSiskey: One time my 4yr old got so mad at my wife he yelled, "YOU'RE RABBIT FROM WINNIE THE POOH!" Best.Insult.Ever.

@TEXASVETERAN: I just swallowed my record player's needle and nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happe

@9GAGTweets: Relatable...

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