@green_eyed_doll: It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
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@JasonLastname: [boss starts giggling uncontrollably during his presentation as I tickle a voodoo doll]
@Sarcasticsapien: Even though my dad is a Trump supporter I let him borrow my car because I'm a good person. I mean, I'm going to report it stolen, but still.
@wickedsuga: Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing herself immediately after I pet her.