@green_eyed_doll: It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
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@MsLadyLuvBug: It has been brought to my attention that people stickers on car windows are NOT pedestrian kills,but family members. Removing mine ASAP.
@longwall26: Next time a job interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years, say "Why TELL you when I can SHOW you?" then just sit there for 5 years.
@murrman5: [during ultrasound] wife: I really thought you were the father me: how could you do this to me? wife's grey and black lover: I told y'all
@hipchkk: The true irony in Taylor Swift singing about feeling 22 at age 23 is that I want to hit her in the face with a cast iron skillet.