@shariv67: It puts the lotion in the basket. Then it calls the wife to make sure it's the right brand so it doesn't get the hose again.
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@markedly: GOD: Mark, I have chosen you. You will know answers to all of life's mysteries, just listen to the voicemail I left you. ME: voicemail? ugh
@DionneMcNutt: A boy at church was asked if he knew what the resurrection was. "Yes, and if it lasts more than 4 hours you're supposed to see a doctor."
@BuckyIsotope: If Sesame Street really cared about children they'd realize Big Bird could feed a hungry family for a month.
@druuuck: *Friend sees my knuckle tats* F: 'MMA4LYFE,' really? *I put my fists by my English prof's 'OXFORDCO' knuckle tats* *we start break dancing*