@jakob_huber: It saddens me that the closest my car will ever get to being a Transformer is when I fold in the side mirrors.
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@Cpin42: When I was 6 my cousin stole my boomerang. The next day his parents died in a car crash. Andy, if you’re reading this, I want my boomerang.
@miliondollameat: wife: go see if the baby sleeping *walks into baby's room* baby: corporations exploit our insecurities for profit me: no babe she woke af
@StellaRtwot: If an interviewer asks you: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" say "I don't know, did you see me pull up in a DaLorean?"
@Mr_Kapowski: Guys, Kelly Kapowski does not belong solely to me She belongs to us all She's R. Kelly