@vineyille: It says here on your resume that you're "good at traps," could you expand on that while I investigate this pile of leaves on the floor?
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@bigmacher: Me: "Hey towel, you're looking good. What u doing later?" Wife: That's not what I meant by pick up my towel. Just hand it to me, idiot.
@1followernodad: the thing about the weather getting colder is that it makes you think you want to date someone when what you want is heavy socks
@weinerdog4life: Did you know you can just buy live lobsters? Anyway can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters