@Heart_choo: It takes a car 30 years to become vintage. It takes a phone 30 days.
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@NintenDom: I'm going to name my first kid Authorized Personnel so they can go wherever they want in life.
@meatgrindr: Hunger Games Synopsis Katniss: I'm in over my head, the govt wants me dead, I'm scared Both Male Leads: Ok but do you LIKE like me
@AndyRichter: Doctor in lab coat peers into microscope. "Good Lord!" he says. "His burrito levels are off the charts!" - from my autopsy
@OnlyFastEddie: I stick pins and needles in the people I don't like because can't afford voodoo dolls.