@Heart_choo: It takes a car 30 years to become vintage. It takes a phone 30 days.
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@sixfootcandy: Kidnappers: We have your husband. Send us $10,000 if you ever want to see him again. Me: Where I should drop off his clothes?
@Playing_Dad: [Job Interview] Boss: It says you are a great problem solver Me: Yes B: Can you give me an example? Me: I'm hired B: *whispers* holy shit
@jocylan: If I haven't said something mildly offensive today I'm sorry and I promise to try harder
@TheTweetOfGod: Today is the first day of the rest of your life and you've already screwed it up.