@Heart_choo: It takes a car 30 years to become vintage. It takes a phone 30 days.
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@NicestHippo: Ever since childhood I've identified as a hippo. While other kids were playing, I savagely mauled villagers. #TransSpecies
@DamienFahey: The Rainforest Cafe isn't realistic enough for me. Part of the restaurant should burn down by the time you finish your meal.
@ObviouslyJustMe: Jesus said to Peter, "Come forth and I will give you eternal glory." Peter came fifth and won a toaster.
@Landon8426: Setting a teachers salary based on student performance is akin to paying a zookeeper based on how well the monkeys are behaving.