@GrumpyComments: It takes a keen ear to pick out a girl's "I haven't finished but I know you're about to, so I'll try to be supportive" moan.
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@iheartgunts: "Don't let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father's actual sex talk with me when I was 13. Not. Even. Joking.
@JermHimselfish: Peanut butter and jelly are so in love with each other that all they do is lay around in bread all day.
@mrjohndarby: [buys new refrigerator with water dispenser] day 1: I will never tire of this water dispenser day 15: still luvin' this water dispenser day 4563: wahey! water dispenser