@WilliamAder: It takes a long time to delete 900 million dollars worth of stuff from an Amazon shopping cart.
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@GrillyJoel: INTERVIEWER: so it says on your resume that your greatest strengths is correcting grammar and talking like a pirate? ME: are INTERVIEWER (impressed): Holy Shit
@bornmiserable: Jay Z: Can I get a what what? Teacher: Jay Z, can you or may you? Jay Z: SORRY MAY I GET A WHAT WHAT Teacher: Yes, you may get a what what.
@Parkerlawyer: I wondered why my back was so sore until I saw my son jumping rope on a crack in the sidewalk.