@revenge_tanukis: It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
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@aka_fatman: "What does your mother do for a living?" "She sells shesells...I mean...Sea sells sea shells...dammit! She's...a beachside entrepreneur."
@gf3: me: *pretending to know about vegetables to impress the cashier* corm is one of my favorite yellows *gingerly taps banana*
@GrabTheWEness: *posts Social Security number on social media* *hopes someone steals his identity and pays off his mortgage*