@lifecoachfit: It takes a village to raise a child so I dropped the kids off at my neighbors house with a note: "your turn"
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@RobinMcCauley: A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Shit Sherlock Research Institute.
@stephenjmolloy: *6 hours of Russian roulette* Me: "I think I forgot to load a bullet in this gun."
@Brianhopecomedy: I have keys on my keychain from the houses I used to live in just in case I'm hungry and in the area.
@lovemydogduck: The best way to tell someone you don't like them is to text them 370HSSV 0773H and tell them to read it upside down.