@dinaliz2: it was hard being a teenager with the last name لزيق i mean stalk one guy and you're لزيقة for the next three years
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@NicestHippo: "You're sure you understand stock trading?" ME: Yep "Then why (holds up card) did you trade our Google shares for a Charizard?"
@realHamOnWry: I got a new cat from the inner city shelter. So far he seems fine, except for needing to go outside every hour for a cigarette.
@PastorBate: Sea cucumbers are actually animals, so regular cucumbers are either lying or they need to step their game up.