@Freeman4all33: It was so cold UN weapons inspectors suddenly decided that chemical weapons might be hidden in Hawaii
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@pplwtching: Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
@aka_fatman: *Jesus, bursting out of a chest cavity, spraying the room with blood and viscera* "My God, Johnny? DID YOU LET CHRIST INTO YOUR HEART?!?"
@GingerHotDish: [police interrogation room] Officer: you've been identified as the runner who.. Me: Let me stop you right there.