@carlyken: Told my coworker I want a dragon. He said I'm crazy for wanting anything that might set all my shit on fire but he's the one that's married.
@onelongbender: I don't think I get enough credit in my family for making my siblings look successful.
@TheToddWilliams: COP: Nobody on the main floor. Let's check upsta--
GIRAFFE COP: Nobody upstairs
@: a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:"user";s:8:"kelkulus";s:5:"image";s:90:"http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/3278807262/1fcf70b5a66e936d490699028532762d_bigger.jpeg";s:6:"id_str";s:18:"344496860775460864";s:7:"retweet";s:3:"122";s:5:"tweet";s:106:"I need to delete some of my fake dating profiles. It's gotten so confusing I just met myself at Starbucks.";}s:7:"retweet";i:0;}
@jeffswarens: The wife just walked out of the store with bags and didn't notice me standing here. Maybe I need to put 75% off on my T-shirt
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