@TheTalkingPipe: It won't be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn't laugh at something.
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@carlyken: [interview at winery] What strengths do you bring to the job? *long pause while Jesus glares at interviewer* Are you being serious right now
@TheAlexNevil: "Give me the bad news, Doc--how long have I got?" "Your wife's procedure will be an outpatient one so unfortunately you can't go to Vegas."