@clarkekant: It would make more sense to put a teacher in every gun shop.
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@trojansauce: KID: are you sure this will work? ME: *holding a fishing rod with a peppermint attached* do you want a new grandpa or not?
@GoddessTitty: Going to get a facial today... this guy on Craigslist is offering a way lower price than the salon!
@AnOrangeSNES: A cannibal passes a Girl Scout cookie stand. "How many girl scouts are these cookies made of?" he asks with a large smile on his face.
@TheSharona06: I had a beautiful pearl of wisdom to tweet but I dropped it on the ground and one of my dogs ate it. I should have it back in 12 hours or so