@ozzyunc: It's 2080. Every living human is named Taylor. Dogs are the size of hamsters. The iPhone 47 is the size of a parachute. Weed is mandatory.
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@carlyken: Kids, in my day we didn't have text messaging. We had to write a "Do you like me: Yes or no?" note and pass it through 17 mutual friends.
@hbombmom: Friendly parenting reminder - as the weather starts to get nicer, don't forget to close the windows before you yell at your kids.
@Duke1173: They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
@david8hughes: Wife: where's the baby? Me: up on the roof Wife: THE ROOF? Me: relax. He's got sunscreen on