@garrydavenport: "It's 3am and everyone is asleep. Must run into random rooms as fast as I can and jump on everything" - cats
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@FrogAvalanche: News Anchor: Our correspondent at the scene had this to say. *cut to correspondent* Correspondent: This.
@jergarl: Pay attention to your kids... Because one day he will stuff a sugar free gummy bear in your mouth that he rubbed on a cat.
@ktmcburr: I wonder if giraffes can eat so much their stomach explodes bc they just don't know it right away cuz it's in their neck for so long. What.
@SodomyClown: If you're going to boast non stop about your pregnancy at least give birth to something fun like a puppy, a bouncy castle or a bag of weed.