@JElvisWeinstein: "It's a competition, I didn't come here to make friends." -- Jerry, the 1st contestant eliminated on this season's "Friendmakers".
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@maughammom: My 3yo said Cheese is her favorite place. I don't know if I should be worried that she thinks cheese is a place or sad because it's not.
@Bob_Janke: An 8 year old just asked me why people in electric cars don't get electrocuted when it rains and now we're checking Google
@XplodingUnicorn: I was working in the yard. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a snake. I hit it with a shovel. I'm happy to report the garden hose is dead
@TeaAndCopy: [Going through customs] Anything to declare, sir? 1…2… Sir, what are you– 3…4…I declare a thumb war! Oh bring it on *misses flight*