@Schmoodles: It's a shame push-up bras don't work on IQs.
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@Douchekevin: I'm the perfect man if you don't factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.
@ValeeGrrl: 6yo: MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU 8yo: AND ALSO WITH YOU When their Star Wars obsession mixes with that time Nana took them to Catholic mass.
@BlindChow: Columbus: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Well– Columbus: *just yanks me out of my car and drives off in it*
@BlondeFacade: I sprayed Taylor Swift's new perfume on me then started writing a five page letter to the boy who forgot to put a straw in my bag at Arby's.