@Kyle_Lippert: It's absurd how none of the chicks at this park are recognizing my swag *puts flip phone back in my fanny pack. Rollerblades away*
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@Reverend_Scott: Ugh. "What's wrong honey?" My bad knee is acting up again. *knee robs a gas station*
@ThingsJackDigs: Baptisms were invented by a guy who had to explain why he was caught trying to drown a baby.
@Ant_F3ltz: Little known fact: If you ride any animal in the zoo for more than 30 seconds... it's yours to keep.
@StarWarsProblms: Obi-wan: *holding baby* Let's make her a famous princess Droid: What about the other baby? Obi-wan:*shrugs* Dump him in a desert somewhere