@Kyle_Lippert: It's absurd how none of the chicks at this park are recognizing my swag *puts flip phone back in my fanny pack. Rollerblades away*
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@Jinxy00: Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like BBs, rub one ball & everything moves.
@Macar00ny: Give a man a subtweet and he'll be like "is this about me?" Teach a man to subtweet you'll be like "is that about me?"
@philandher96: "It helps knowing that everyone else will die with me if we crash." ~my 11yo on why she's not afraid to fly unaccompanied
@fro_vo: Date: so what do you do Me: i build dog houses Date: oh you're an "arf"itect lol Me: haha good one Date: Me: (under breath) it's "bark"itect