@Kyle_Lippert: It's absurd how none of the chicks at this park are recognizing my swag *puts flip phone back in my fanny pack. Rollerblades away*
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@TheIronSherk: I can't believe how different life was before *googles* Al Gore invented the Internet
@KeetPotato: doctor: "is there anything that runs in the family?" wife: "hm not really" me: "the dog jogs a lot"
@TuffyNyC: Girls on Facebook call it, "The Walk of Shame." Girls on Twitter call it, "The Strut of Satisfaction"
@MouVanLee: Reasons why i never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don't have iPhone. 2) I don't have a girlfriend.