@Kyle_Lippert: It's absurd how none of the chicks at this park are recognizing my swag *puts flip phone back in my fanny pack. Rollerblades away*
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@IngestMyBabies: If a cop tazed me and then yelled "Raiden Wins!"... I would instantly lose all animosity towards him.
@slimmy_shady: 20% of traffic accidents involve deer.Who allowed deer to drive in the first place?
@TheBoydP: Ever smell a permanent marker and accidently color the tip of your nose black? Related: They’re called permanent markers for a reason.
@GrumpyBahr: Sorry I haven't tweeted much. Kathy on facebook was keeping us updated on her menstrual cramps.