@Cheeseboy22: It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.
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@philco816: Kids we are running late let's go! *Kids I'm going to count every stair on the way down with out my shoes on.*
@NotThatKristi: My jeans say "no more Christmas goodies" but my leggings are like "we got you, gurrrl"
@Fred_Delicious: [Getting waterboarded] "Um, sir the subject isn't responding to interrogation, he's just getting bigger" [Me, a sponge] "MwahahaHAHAHAA"
@chuuew: WIFE: Did everyone at work enjoy the cookies I baked? ME: [pretending I didn't eat them all on the drive in] WHATS WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS?!