@TheCatWhisprer: It’s always good to tell people to “stay safe” during a distaster just in case they didn’t know.
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@Shower4Thought: One of the perks of being a woman is that no one can ever surprise you with a kid years later and tell you you're the mom.
@psybermonkey: Marriage counselor: and the puns? Wife: he hasn't made one in weeks. I think we're going to make it Me: *walking in with food glued on me* sorry I'm plate
@SlappNuttz: My children have acquired a keen sense for knowing exactly when I'm about to forget them at a store.
@dmc1138: My computer just gave me an "Error 404" message, which can't be right because I know I've made way more errors than that.