@WilliamAder: It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.
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@sad_tree: She's marrying HIM?! TODAY?! *cut to me sprinting across town to stop the wedding but I see a good dog at the park and pet him instead*
@OBiiieeee: Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?...No you hang up first! Hello? 911?
@Tmoney68: [Cannibal Restaurant] Waiter: Need anything else? Cannibal: No, I'm stuffed. I can't even finish this. Could I get a body bag?